Cold hands, warm shart.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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