I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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