i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
