There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
