Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
