Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
