I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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