ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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