I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
