i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize