he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
