I murdered the dance floor call the cops
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
