How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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