cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
