If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
