Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
