why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
