i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
