im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
