so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
