Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
