This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
