Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
