Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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