I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
