He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is my gift to your gina
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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