Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
