rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize