Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
