My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
