I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
