Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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