where am i from again
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
