do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
