omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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