i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
