Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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