you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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