Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
