I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
