Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
