rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize