Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
