you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
its liver damage thursday
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
