Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
