On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's like God shit irony all over that family
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
