hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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