he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Randomize
