It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
