my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
