I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i now understand why vodka
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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