I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
