please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
