So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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