Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
