Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
