I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
