She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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