I am puke
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
