Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
