if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
