If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
