everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
