u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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