It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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