Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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